(Nobody Does it Like) The Ukelele Man

Guess what it is I'm holding
 down here in my hand
 It's given pleasure to millions
 both up and down the land
 It's my little ukelele
 my treasure and my joy
 I've plonked and plucked it daily
 Ever since I was a boy
 I practised and I practised
 That right hand rhythm routine
 And now I've got an action
 like a massage parlour queen
 Oh Mother!
 But nobody does it like the Ukelele Man
 Noone can hit that spot if he can't make you smile then noone can he's the original from way back yonder when it all began
 Nobody does it like the Ukelele Man
 I've such coordination in my fingers and my thumb
 An action learned from years of sitting down to have a strum
 My right hand goes like billy-o
 Up top my left one fiddles
 Performing archipeligos and flams and paradiddles
 I stroll into the spotlight
 I give the strings a clout
 But when I start to warble
 The people start to shout ("Where's George?")
 Nobody does it like the Ukelele Man
 Noone can hit that spot if he can't make you smile then noone can just leaning on a lamp or TT racing at the Isle Of Man
 Nobody does it like the Ukelele Man
 I like a bit of Blues and Boogie
 Like a bit of Skittle and Soul
 But what I love's a little stick of Blackpool rock, rock, Rock 'N' Roll
 When women idolise me
 I always have to tell 'em
 Stop poking at my plectrums
 and don't violate my velum
 And though my technique thrills 'em
 I have never worked out why
 At the end of my performance they always seem to sigh...
 ("Oh, is that all? Don't I get an encore?")
 Nobody does it like the Ukelele Man
 Noone can hit that spot if he can't make you smile then noone can he's window cleaning with his eyes on Fanlight Fanny's fan
 Nobody does it like the Ukelele Man
 (Everybody!) Nobody does it like the Ukele Man
 Noone can hit that spot if he can't make you smile then noone can he's window cleaning with his eyes on Fanlight Fanny's fan
 Nobody does it like the Ukelele Man
 (I've got crates of his 78s, and I'm his greatest fan)