Soul Searching

So much weight on my chest
 I feel so alone don't know how to express
 The stress in my heart
 The wounds in my soul
 The past is the past but I can't let it go and it breaks me
 I swear this shit fucking breaks me
 I'm desperate, can somebody come and save me?
 Cause lately, I've been close to the fuckin' edge
 So many suicidal thoughts in my fucking head
 I'm so depressed and I feel ashamed
 Popping pills everyday so I don't feel the pain
 But I don't say shit
 I don't ever say shit
 Cause every time I try it's like I hear the same shit
 Jay, you gon' be just fine
 You just gotta give it time, find your peace of mind
 But you don't understand the tears that I shed
 Sometimes I just cry only wishing I was dead and I'm sorry
 I'm truly sorry for the way I feel
 I'm so lost in my dreams don't know what is real
 This poetry is all I have when I feel deprived
 I grab my pad and my pen and I feel revived
 I can't decide what the fuck am I here for
 I'm doing what I love but my heart's still sore
 I still battle with depression on a daily
 I see my own reflection and I swear I fuckin' hate me
 I said I swear I fuckin' hate me
 Got a big heart but my heart's slowly breaking
 Chasing all my dreams but I don't know where it's gon' take me
 Tired of being broke, gotta start acting shady
 Making dirty money, yo, this shit is so degrading
 Momma know I'm sorry for this route in which I'm taking
 I ain't fuckin' proud of these decisions that I'm making but I'm desperate for some Answers why my heart is always aching
 If you hear me Lord, talk to me
 All the sins from my past have been haunting me
 I'm so scared of the future so I stay stuck
 Broken into pieces yo my spirits all taped up
 I came up, but it feels like I'm coming down
 Pool full of liquor swim 'til I fuckin' drown
 That's the only way I know how to crack a smile
 Taking shots 'til I vomit and I'm passing out
 When I'm sober I just feel afraid
 I don't know if I'ma live to see another day
 I'm tryna' stand but I feel like I'm 'boutta cave
 I'm so trapped in my mind like a fuckin' slave
 So much weight on my chest got me feeling tired
 Plague in my soul I swear is like a wildfire
 Like a wildfire spreading everywhere take a look into my eyes see the pain
 Yo there's plenty there
 See the pain yo there's plenty there
 But I don't know if they really care
 Where is love is it anywhere?
 And if it is yo it's really rare
 Can a broken heart be repaired?
 Can a broken heart be repaired?
 Can you tell me yo I need to know
 Or is it lost in our own despair?
 Can you tell me yo I need to know
 Can you tell me yo I need to know
 Or is it lost in our own despair?