Threes: Take 3 (Julia Ecklar)

Deeply into bankruptcy at last it can be told!
 A witch and an assassin hatch a plan to get some gold
 They hire several guardsmen, but if all goes as they plan
 They'll never have to pay them, they'll be slaughtered to a man!
 Three holes in their contract
 Termination for no cause
 No workman's compensation
 And no life insurance clause
 Disguised as honest women, then, they haggle and cajole
 A payment from a businessman whose first and foremost goal
 Is vengeance for a daughter lost in one of the attacks
 He figures he'll deduct it when the King collects His tax
 Three aren't what they seem
 The guard who guards a secret plot
 The lady who's no lady
 And the maiden who is not
 One among the guardsmen drips with gems of costly size
 The witch perceives he also wears a magical disguise
 You might think this alone would be a giveaway right there
 But they're too busy plotting out their strategy to care
 Three things are no fun
 The answer right before your eyes
 A poker hand that's folded
 And a fight where no one dies
 From ambush, as expected, bandits swarm to claim their prize
 The maiden has a mercenary gleam in her cold eyes
 The lady does her nails while all her guardsmen's blood is spilled
 They cannot prove their innocence except by being killed
 Three things are most perilous
 A victim with a grin
 A secret you're not in on
 And a test you cannot win
 The maiden watches helplessly throughout the whole attack
 Then hacks up half the hoodlums with one hand behind her back
 The lady makes a gesture and the other half are fried
 The guardsmen gesture back as they lie dying on the side
 Three things never count on when your life is on the line
 A sword with rust
 A bow with cracks
 And a woman's sense of time
 The witch decides what shape the traitor's punishment will be
 Her positive self-image is revealed for all to see!
 The worst thing she can think of's not a newt or bat or toad
 She turns him to a woman, and then sets him on the road
 Three things that you'll never find
 A hen's tooth on a goose
 A woman's sense of humor
 And chameleons you turn loose
 Three easy steps to justice were to grab the guards in doubt
 Then butcher the whole bunch and let the Goddess sort them out
 They spare a few sad glances at the loyal men cut down
 And then they count their booty and ride laughing back to town
 Three survive unscathed
 The mage whose sword knows every trick
 The fighter who's a cleric
 And the guard who called in sick