Gaston

Who does she think she is?
 That girl has tangled with the wrong man!
 Darn right.
 No one says "no" to Gaston!
 Dismissed! Rejected!
 Publicly humiliated! Why, it's more than I can bear.
 More beer?
 What for? Nothing helps. I'm disgraced.
 Who, you? Never! Gaston, you've got to pull yourself together.
 Gosh it disturbs me to see you, Gaston
 Looking so down in the dumps
 Ev'ry guy here'd love to be you, Gaston
 Even when taking your lumps
 There's no man in town as admired as you
 You're ev'ryone's favorite guy
 Ev'ryone's awed and inspired by you
 And it's not very hard to see why
 No one's slick as Gaston
 No one's quick as Gaston
 No one's neck's as incredibly thick as Gaston's
 For there's no man in town half as manly
 Perfect, a pure paragon!
 You can ask any Tom, Dick or Stanley
 And they'll tell you whose team they prefer to be on
 Lefou and No one's been like Gaston
 A king pin like Gaston
 No one's got a swell cleft in his chin like Gaston
 As a specimen, yes, I'm intimidating!
 Lefou and My what a guy, that Gaston!
 Give five "hurrahs!"
 Give twelve "hip-hips!"
 Gaston is the best
 And the rest is all drips
 No one fights like Gaston
 Douses lights like Gaston
 In a wrestling match nobody bites like Gaston!
 For there's no one as burly and brawny
 As you see I've got biceps to spare
 Not a bit of him's scraggly or scrawny
 That's right!
 And ev'ry last inch of me's covered with hair
 No one hits like Gaston
 Matches wits like Gaston
 In a spitting match nobody spits like Gaston
 I'm espcially good at expectorating!
 Ptoooie!
 Ten points for Gaston!
 When I was a lad I ate four dozen eggs
 Ev'ry morning to help me get large
 And now that I'm grown I eat five dozen eggs
 So I'm roughly the size of a barge!
 Oh, ahhh, wow!
 My what a guy, that Gaston!
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 No one shoots like Gaston
 Makes those beauts like Gaston
 Then goes tromping around wearing boots like Gaston
 I use antlers in all of my decorating!
 My what a guy,
 Gaston!