It Was Over (Kev's Lament)

I remember back on our very first date
 In the back seat of me car
 I wanted you to go all the way
 But you wouldn't go that far
 I wanted you to hold me dick
 You wanted to hold me hand
 And when I accidentally brushed your tit
 I just blew it and come in me pants
 And it was over
 Before it began
 I'll never forget the strain and the sweat
 As I fumbled with your gear
 A hundred degrees with the windows wound up
 So your Mum and Dad couldn't hear
 Tryin' me best to unzip your dress
 And unhook your bra with one hand
 And just when I thought I was doin' all right
 I come in me pants again
 And it was over
 Before it began
 Blouses and buttons and bras and buckles
 And 'Stop it, I'm gettin' cold'
 First time I've had a tit in me mouth
 Since I was nine months old
 I had lovers' balls and you had no idea
 Of the pitch of me passion and pain
 Tryin' to stay cool with me knackers on fire
 I come in me pants again, oh shit and again
 You wouldn't give and I wouldn't go
 And we couldn't seem to agree
 You got the giggles and I got the shits
 Then you wouldn't talk to me
 And when we made up and we started again
 Your Dad banged on the roof and he yelled
 'What are you two kids up to in there?'
 And I shit in me pants as well
 And it was over
 Before it began
 You hear people say that they'd love to go back
 And do things that they did in the past
 But if you reckon they were the real good old days
 You can go stick 'em right up your arse!
 'Cause when I look back how I came and I went
 With a tear in me eye I recall
 How me, I had a cunt of a night
 But me undies had a ball
 And it was over
 Before it began