The Beer

The beer I had for breakfast was a bottle of Mad Dog
 And my twenty-twenty vision was fifty percent off
 You said, "Punch buggy red," and punched me right in my left eye
 I said, "Don't you mean pediddle?" and I lit his house on fire
 He came home on acid, I was holding his shotgun
 I was dressed like Tina Turner in Beyond Thunderdome
 He said, "Don't shoot", I said, "I won't, I love you, you're my friend"
 I handed him my wig and shot myself in the head
 Then I stuffed a box of tissues in the hole in my skull
 I got in my Mazda and I drove to the mall
 I got a Big Johnson shirt and some silicone tits
 When I pulled out the tissues, they were covered with shit
 And the beer I had for breakfast was a box of cheap white wine
 And the boombox on my shoulder was a box of clementines
 I ate every single one without noticing the mold
 You said, "You're gross my darling," I said, "No, I'm rock and roll"
 Even though I'd never, ever been in a band
 I got cool as Black Ice tattooed on my hand
 And the Christians gave me comic books as if I would be scared
 Of burning in hell, well, I was already there
 And the beer I had for breakfast, silver bullet in the brain
 And the beer I had for lunch was a bottle of Night Train
 And the beer I had for dinner was my crazy neighbor's pills
 We had to sit down on skateboards just to make it down the hill
 Then I peed my pants and you stole the groom's cigar
 And some old man made me watch him masturbate, locked in his car
 When I got back to the apartment, you were face down on the floor
 You said, "Don't go to bed yet, let's go get a 64"
 And the beer I had for breakfast was a pint of Jim Beam
 And a fifth of peach Schnapps and some warm SunnyD
 And you said, "Bottoms up," just as I bottomed out
 I tried to scream, "Fuck you," but blood was pouring out my mouth
 And Evan Dando never planned on telling you the truth
 And your Leonardo I.D. card is your fountain of youth
 You can be a teenager for your whole fucking life
 Just find some pretty sucker and make that bitch your wife
 I guess by now you all know my friend Danny broke his neck
 He was driving home from Sirens when he got into a wreck
 First, I cried for him, and then I cried for me
 Haunted by the ghost of the girl I used to be
 But the rocks with holes are warm in my hands
 And I buried my toes in the hot, hot sand
 And the silver pink pony kisses me and says
 "You've come a long, long way and you deserve to be really happy"