Jealous

I've never been an envious person in my life, man
 Never been jealous of nobody
 But like, I did have a conversation with Mackenzie the other day
 About like sometimes you do slip into those
 Envious moments that people who don't have to deal with
 The mental health shit we deal with, you know what I mean
 Like how do you not feel that
 Juxtaposition of the weak and the strong
 In a world full of so many people
 But seem so alone
 I fall into comparing myself to few
 So elated I've waited with nothing else to do
 I sit at bay while the ocean moves
 Transparent, opaque but we're both so blue
 Look to space, lost within, it seems, oh, so gloom
 Both dark for a star, where I go's no moon
 And I feel like fighting
 Betrayed by God and I don't feel right, crying
 While everybody's smiling
 But I'm real life dying to live a life like you do
 With mental illness nonexistent, pain is well but few too
 Taking some shots like my pistol out
 You can just tell the bartender to send more rounds
 Pop me an Ativan so I can simmer down
 Someone save me before I fucking hit the ground
 I know what I feel is envy now
 People don't feel what I feel and that's really wild
 Invisible while I'm standing right in the crowd
 When they said ignorance is bliss I get it now
 I'm jealous of you
 I'm so jealous
 Damn, I'm jealous of you
 So jealous of you
 Yep, I'm jealous of you
 I'm so jealous
 Damn, I'm jealous of you
 So jealous
 Jealous, yeah
 You ain't never dealt with this pain, yeah
 All sunshine no rain, yeah
 Your life's so clean, no stain, yeah
 Ain't no stress, no strain, yeah
 Never dealt with this pain, yeah
 Fuckin' up your brain, yeah
 Life's so clean, no stain, yeah
 Ain't no stress, no strain, yeah (jealous)
 Chugging this 40 while holding his TEC
 Jellysickle like E-40 & Tech
 How the fuck he don't feel this? Mean no disrespect
 I'm as cold as a corpse, I'm a ghost in the flesh
 Society has it at home to be next
 Preachers outtake me, now bozo's a threat
 For jelly you embrow like the homie I guess
 For sure depressed, that ball went over your head
 Insomnia when you going to bed
 And searching for love, I ain't holding my breath
 I don't wanna answer my phone or a text
 But it's 3AM and I'm scrolling my thread
 All of this fame but still lonely as heck
 Don't check on me but I'll still loan you a check
 One day you'll be woke to this cloak, how I'm dressed
 By then, at the way King Iso'll be dead
 Two baby boys, why I give all my passion
 And I stay driven, though mentally crashing
 Some people just do not get it I'm asking
 Is it wrong to feel this envy I'm having
 I'm saving lives I didn't imagine
 Got to be strong, my strength isn't lasting
 Here is the sad plot twist I've established
 Iso's a hero that wished it could happen
 I'm jealous of you
 I'm so jealous
 Damn I'm jealous of you
 So jealous of you
 Yep, I'm jealous of you
 I'm so jealous
 Damn, I'm jealous of you
 So jealous
 Jealous, yeah
 You ain't never dealt with this pain, yeah
 All sunshine no rain, yeah
 Your life's so clean, no stain, yeah
 Ain't no stress, no strain, yeah
 Never dealt with this pain, yeah
 Fuckin' up your brain, yeah
 Life's so clean, no stain, yeah
 Ain't no stress, no strain, yeah (jealous)
 Antipsychotic amphetamine won't stabilize her ass they say
 Can't be alright
 Can't relate to any of them around
 My life is a circus, I feel like the clown
 Gave me this life and I'm turning it down
 I'm sick of this shit, now I'll see myself out
 I was feeling that I would start the car and close the garage
 So many thoughts form in my mind
 But I won't say much, I won't say much
 'Cause you won't understand
 You weren't dealt this hand
 I try not to be mad at you, but I can't correct my statue
 When your happiness is actual
 And my energy can't match you
 Tell me
 Tell me why?
 Pain, yeah
 Rain, yeah
 Stay here
 Strain here
 Pain here
 Brain, yeah
 Stay, yeah
 Strain, yeah
 Jealous