Suicide Note

Starring at my food but I can not eat it
 Laying in my bed but I am not sleeping
 Crying in my room and I keep it top secret
 Because people tell me they care but they do not mean it
 I'm cut open, even thought I am not bleeding
 My heart's broken, so Imma make it stop beating
 Someone runs in the room and screams
 "He's not breathing!"
 I'm rushed to the hospital to have a Doc treat it
 But he cannot beat it, there's no time at all
 Cause I just popped some pills with some Tylenol
 And 3 bottles of antidepressants, and Zam Booka
 40 ounces, got killed I didn't puke up anything
 There's no use in pumping my stomach
 Cause I'll just do it again
 I'm a lost cause so fuck it
 Everyone with grudges towards me
 Is gonna love this
 The smiles on their faces when my death goes public
 Cause I'm killing myself
 Taking matters to my own hands
 I can't picture myself as a grown man
 I don't wanna grow up
 I hate change and everything's just so
 Rearranged
 My life is nothing but a disaster
 And time keeps going by faster
 But in a second all that shit wont matter
 Fuck this Imma kill myself
 I act happy
 But I wanna die, I'm not gonna lie
 Thoughts of suicide keep crossing
 My mind on a regular basis
 Going crazy cause I'm going through bull shit
 On a regular basis
 Look me in the face, I'm sick in my eyes
 Cause I'm sick in the mind
 I've been wishing to die ever since I was 9
 This isn't a lie
 I don't bitch just to whine
 Or bullshit just to rhyme about it
 I don't cry just to spit
 Just to try to quilt trip
 Cause I could give two shits about your pity
 I ain't trying to get everyone to feel bad for me
 I'd rather dis everyone and make y'all mad at me
 I ain't a happy person and I ain't that liked
 Not even by myself
 I know I ain't that nice
 But people don't understand how much
 I hate my life
 Cause if they did they'd know how bad
 I want to take this knife and be
 Killing myself
 Taking matters to my own hands
 I can't picture myself as a grown man
 I don't wanna grow up
 I hate change and everything's just so rearranged
 My life's nothing but a disaster
 And time keeps going by faster
 But in a second all that shit wont matter
 Fuck this Imma kill myself
 I quit, I'm bailing, I'm done
 I finally give up
 I'm sick of failing, I'm done trying to live up
 To the expectations everyone has set for me
 And trying to explain to myself
 Always questioning about my destination
 Fuck my destiny
 No more relationships
 My friends are all dead to me
 My head is aching, and I don't have any energy
 I'm patiently waiting for the day
 That I can rest in peace
 And this medication is the reason
 That I don't get no sleep
 It ain't worth taking
 So I just take some ecstasy
 Then hear my friends say
 "You're a retarded fuck up."
 Maybe killing myself will
 Make you retards shut up
 Cause I only do it once in a while
 At times when I forget how to fucking smile
 I hate being belittled when y'all act like you're
 Looking out for me
 If you were looking out of me then
 I wouldn't about to be
 Killing myself
 Taking matters to my own hands
 I can't picture myself as a grown man
 I don't wanna grow up
 I hate change and everything's just so rearranged
 My life's nothing but a disaster
 And time keeps going by faster
 But in a second all that shit wont matter
 Fuck this Imma kill myself
 When the times comes
 I'll be crying then
 I'll have to get a hold of myself
 Call all my friends, and say goodbye to them
 Then get high and then
 Call up all my friends again and say goodbye again
 And cry again
 Stop crying
 Smile
 Find a pen
 Write down some last words
 Somebody will find them when
 I'm in heaven
 Looking down on them
 Or who knows
 The way shit's been going maybe in Hell
 Looking up on them
 But either way I'm watching
 I'm waiting their reaction
 Suddenly someone walks in
 Wait they ain't laughing
 They read it and start crying
 They actually do care
 I'm shocked, I can't believe they're
 Sad that I ain't there
 They miss me
 Man what a horrible mistake I made
 And I can't take it back
 It's way to late
 If only I could relive my life
 I'd re-make this song
 Rewrite the hook and it would be like
 Life's shit
 but I'm taking matters to my own hands
 I can picture myself as a grown man
 I wanna grow up, and I can deal with change
 Even if everything gets rearranged
 Maybe my life's a disaster
 and time keeps going by faster
 But now I can see all that shit don't matter
 Fuck that Imma live my life!