What I Know Now

I was hot
 I went to parties a lot
 Y'know?
 I was driving Lamborghinis
 Sipping super-dry martinis
 In the tiniest bikinis on a yacht
 But I was depressed
 Also completely obsessed
 An unhappy beauty queen
 Who dreamed to be Miss Argentina
 I had such low self-esteem
 I was a mess
 So I gave it all up for the netherworld
 I've been here forever, girl
 If I was more clever, girl
 I would've stuck it out
 Knowing what life's about
 Pain and joy and suffering
 Failing but recovering
 I'll tell you another thing
 Everyone here is alone
 So if you are breathing
 Go home!
 If I knew then
 What I know now
 I would have looked within and let love in somehow
 If I only knew
 The truth back then
 I wouldn't have had my little accident
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 Don't be blind
 You left your whole life behind
 See a shrink
 Call a priest
 Ask the recently deceased
 Death is final and you cannot press rewind
 Don't jump when the light is red
 Toasters should be used for bread
 Never smoke cigars in bed
 Nietzsche was right, y'know, to live is to suffer, bro
 Don't cheat on the one you wed
 Never whip a thoroughbred
 Angry pygmys shrunk his head
 Why did it take death to see
 Happiness was up to me?
 If I knew then
 What I know now
 I would've laughed and danced
 And lanced every sacred cow
 I thought I knew
 But I was wrong
 'Cause life is short
 But death is super long
 I exploded!
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 If I knew then (If I knew)
 What I know now
 I would've crossed every line
 And drank all the wine
 Before my final bow
 If I knew (If I knew)
 The things that now I know
 I would ride the highs and cherish the lows
 Going, it's a quick trick 'round the rodeo
 So before they lower the curtain, be certain to enjoy the show
 That's what I know!
 Life is short but death is long
 Here, one minute then it's gone
 Thought I knew but I was wrong
 If I only knew what I know now!