Sommelier

I got lost
 And the only way that I could talk to God
 Was through your songs
 I used to sing in tune
 Did you?
 Did you?
 When I was a child, I prayed
 And he felt like new wine fermenting inside of old age
 I know that might not make sense
 But he was a decade removed from all of his accomplishments
 And he still had the eyes of a dreamer
 And no one worshipped him as a demigod
 I used to throw stones at his window
 Back before he threw stones at me
 We'd climb out like clockwork after his parents had gone to sleep
 And sneak to the park just up the street from their house
 In the mountains just east of the city
 I loved it there
 It was far enough away that the glow didn't bleed into the show
 We'd play connect the dots and make up constellations
 I was wishing on the stars
 But he'd lie down and stare into the empty black
 Between them until all the suns in his periphery blurred into one
 And he'd close his eyes so tight to hold onto the spectrum and whisper
 "I knew there was something more than black and white out there
 Don't leave me."
 I know exactly how a window screen sounds popped out from its hinges
 I used to be the one that you snuck out for
 When we were younger, I used to wonder what I'd do
 If I ever heard the sounds of the bedsprings
 Blending into the creaking of the frame
 Bending, blending into feet against the stucco
 Searching for the ground, and now I know
 It happened in slow motion and I swear the second hand never made it
 One moment past my eyes closing before you left
 And now I dream of the nights
 That you used to talk about fire and color
 And wonder if God was as real
 As the sunspots that you saw in his absence
 I tried taping my eyelids shut to see him like you used to
 I tried cutting my eyelids off to see him like I used to
 I stitched the skin to skin to salvage whatever was left
 And then searched the sky for signs of life
 Like there wasn't blood blurring into the vision
 Is freedom abandonment?
 Is that why you abandoned me?
 Is freedom forgetfulness? I forget
 I can't stop remembering when we were young
 And you stayed, and you felt like old faith
 Casked and too mature for your age
 And I know it might not make sense
 But he was a decade removed from all of his accomplishments
 And he still had the heart of a son
 And no one worshipped him in the place of one
 All I wanted was to to sing in your choir
 (I got lost)
 I can't hit the notes
 I can't hit the notes
 (And the only way that I can talk to God)
 All I wanted was to sing in your choir
 I used to sing in tune
 Did you?
 I threw up my prayers like incantations
 (Was through your songs)
 I'd give anything to see the sky one last time
 (I used to sing in tune)
 I'd give anything to see the sky one last time
 I'd give anything to see the sky one last time
 (Did you?)
 (I'd give anything to see the sky one last time)
 (Did you?)