The Oldest Profession

I'm worn out and weary
 I ain't no machine
 My head hurts, my feet hurts
 And everything in between
 I'm gettin' too old for
 The Oldest Profession
 I'm gettin' too tired
 and too slow
 I'm gettin' too old for the
 half-hour session
 I'm gettin' too old
 for a pro
 I'm gettin' too old
 to climb all those stairs now
 a half dozen times
 everynight
 I'm gettin' too old
 to take 'em in pairs now
 or to take off my clothes
 in the light
 I can't seem to manage
 those shriners who manage
 to manhandle me
 every trick
 To tell you truth,
 I've had so many shriners
 I'm up for membership
 When I was sixteen
 It was fun turnin' tricks
 I needed the money
 and I wanted some kicks
 I ain't sixteen
 I just turned twenty-six
 It's time to come in from the cold
 Looks like,
 I'm gettin' too old
 Twenty-six?
 Watch your mouth now!
 You say you've been in the life for ten years,
 How many days you figure you've been on?
 I don't know but uh,
 Lacey get your calculator baby
 Let's figure it out
 Aight,
 Let's say five Johns a night
 Six nights a week
 Of course that was back in my prime
 That's thrity Johns a week
 Fifty weeks a year
 'cause I always visit Mama at Christmastime
 So that's thirty times fifty
 multiplied by ten
 Holy Shit!
 Lemme do that again
 After ten years in the trade,
 I really made the grade
 It says here I've been laid
 by over fifteen thousand men
 Lord, have mercy!
 I'm tired of doin'
 those deadbeats and hikers
 at half of the normal price
 I'm tired of spending
 the weekends at Reicher's
 You never meet anyone nice
 I've done everything a body can do
 but how goddamn much
 can a body go through?
 I'm gettin' too old
 for the endless procession
 I'm gettin' too old
 for the constant depression
 I'm gettin' old for
 the oldest profession
 I'm getting too old
 For the Life
 I'm tired, tired, tired, tired
 I'm weary
 I'm gettin' too old for
 THIS
 Ooh
 For the Life!