Fat Funny Friend

I break the ice
 So they don't see my size
 And I have to be nice
 Or I'll be the next punchline
 I'm just the best friend in Hollywood movies
 Who only exists to continue the story
 The girl gets the guy while I'm standing off-screen
 So I'll wait for my cue to be comedic relief
 Can't be too loud, can't be too busy
 If I don't answer now, are they still gonna need me?
 Can't be too proud, can't think I'm pretty
 Do they keep me around so their flaws just seem silly?
 I say I'm okay
 'Cause they wouldn't care anyway
 And I could try to explain
 But my effort's in vain, they can't relate to how I've
 Drawn out in Sharpie where I'd take the scissors
 If that's what it took for me to look in the mirror
 I've done every diet to make me look thinner
 So why do I still feel so goddamn inferior?
 Can't be too loud and can't be too busy
 If I don't answer now, are they still gonna need me?
 Can't be too proud and can't think I'm pretty
 Do they keep me around so their flaws just seem silly?
 Life of the fat, funny friend
 Life of the fat, funny friend
 It's funny when I think a guy likes me
 And it's funny when I'm the one who says, "Let's go to eat"
 It's funny when I'm asked to go out on Halloween
 Dresses and thigh highs, while I hide my body
 Can't be too loud and can't be too busy
 If I don't answer now, are they still gonna miss me?
 Can't be too loud and can't be too busy
 If I don't answer now, are they still gonna need me?
 Can't be too proud and can't think I'm pretty
 Do they keep me around so their flaws just seem silly?
 Life of the fat, funny friend
 Life of the fat, funny friend
 Life of the fat, funny friend
 Life of the fat, funny friend
 I've drawn out in Sharpie where I'd take the scissors