Decidedly Dumb

she's a liar
 and full of good intentions
 it's hard to know where to start
 when a part of you dies
 yet to the casual eye still appears to be alive
 what do you say
 words are scarce and sulky little bulldogs
 cowering in between the negatives in the drawer
 beneath the blu-tak
 beneath the sellotape
 decidedly scared
 couldn't we make a run
 make fools out of everyone
 and never let on
 how the trick was played
 in the evening
 butterflies come creeping
 it's hard to know where to go to dispose of them
 I'm sure I wasn't this cruel once
 but somewhere along the way
 I learned how not to care
 it was for my own good
 I shut up when I had to
 it's funny how we come to exercise this restraint
 in the face of uncertainty
 the face of adversity
 decidedly calm
 why grandma
 what big troubles you have
 all the better for making you pay my dear
 what's the point of being half in love
 still it's hard to know where to stop
 repetitive actions
 inevitable weathering systems
 take the strain
 ready to tug
 slide in the mud
 bully for us
 that fistful of butterfly dust
 scattered from a palm raised in supplication and hope
 but then I let go
 I let go and lost
 decidedly dumb
 with what I felt for you
 what I felt I ought to
 it's hard to know what to write
 when the pen only does alternate letters
 I look like I shiver
 I miss you
 ah yeah
 she's a liar
 and full of good intentions
 it's hard to know where to start