I'm Glad I'm Not Young Anymore

Poor boy, poor boy
 Down-hearted and depressed and in a spin
 Poor boy, poor boy
 Oh, youth can really do a fellow in
 How lovely to sit here in the shade
 With none of the woes of man and maid
 I'm glad I'm not young anymore
 The rivals that don't exist at all
 The feeling you're only two-feet tall
 I'm glad that I'm not young anymore
 No more confusion
 No morning-after surprise
 No self-delusion
 That when you're telling those lies
 She isn't wise
 And even if love comes through the door
 The chance that goes on forever more
 Forever more is shorter than before
 Oh, I'm so glad that I'm not young anymore
 The tiny remark that tortures you
 The fear that your friends won't like her too
 I'm glad I'm not young anymore
 The longing to end the stale affair
 Until you find out she doesn't care
 I'm glad that I'm not young anymore
 No more frustration
 No star-crossed lover am I
 No aggravation
 Just one reluctant reply
 "Lady, goodbye"
 The fountain of youth is dull as paint
 Methuselah is my patron saint
 I've never been so comfortable before
 Oh, I'm so glad that I'm not young anymore