Portrait of a Woman on a Couch With Cats

Was raised to believe that hell's just for the people in my head
 Such a dear friend to me to make me believe it's where I'm living
 So so long fairweather friends
 I'll see you when I'm feeling more eloquent
 God willing then, I'll be easier to digest
 I hope you don't mind me
 In the corner, losing sleep
 As you slip out the door to leave
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 Goddamn, I need a cigarette
 Anything for me to excuse my weighted chest
 I have lots of growing left, so please call me on it
 But in the end I think we could all be more honest
 So I cannot hold my head too high
 If I'm trying to acknowledge all these faults of mine
 It's a process that never ceases to remind
 Just when I think I can leave my shadow behind
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 In other words, I'm doing well
 I'm learning what care means without anyone else
 I don't blame you, I wish I could've left myself
 But my wrist is now clean and my thoughts are more clear
 I hope you will listen, but hope you won't hear me
 Tripping, stumbling, falling on deaf ears
 These issues aren't unique
 But it's so hard to not be bleak
 When I haven't slept all week
 But I still keep hanging on
 I will bear this heavy chest, let it rise and fall
 And maybe I'll grow out of it before I'm done
 But you won't catch me hedging my bets on it
 I just might be more effort than I'm worth
 I guess I can't blame you, but I can't say it doesn't hurt
 Won't say I'll make it up to you, but what I know for sure is
 I'm thankful that you ever happened
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 I'm still here
 I'm still trying
 I still fear that I'm lying and it's really not fine