Precocious Young Miss Calloway

While the icicle vendetta might require the blue sombrero
 I'd prefer to say the twilight made me don the blue beret
 I say, would you mind most awfully if awkward Aubrey Mabersley
 Accompanies Melinda to the thunderclown parade?
 Precocious young Miss Calloway impressed some person's pants away
 With clever conversation studied from a magazine
 And a blackguard known to all and sundry as a humble understudy
 Challenged a great actor for his hatred of the queen
 Perhaps I lack a sense of humour but your interesting rumour
 Sketches me a stature quite impossible to match
 Where your baroque imagination sees adulterous Casanova
 In reality I'm just an unadulterated wretch
 And Michael is, I'm sad to say, a quite unworthy adversary
 Morris is too homosexual acting anyway
 While Merlin, no relation, has been wasting his frustration
 On the nephew of the cousin of the Earl of Albany
 I'm attracted to Antonia but wish to keep her friendship
 So I'll never breathe a word of her obsession with my waist
 And there are several salient reasons why Precocious young Miss Calloway
 Has had the gall to state that I am not entirely chaste
 Perhaps I lack a sense of humour but your interesting rumour
 Sketches me a stature quite impossible to match
 Where your baroque imagination sees adulterous Casanova
 In reality I'm just an unadulterated wretch
 So pass the pancakes, pretty please, or else I'll strip myself and tease
 My orgiastic organ to an ecstasy of joy
 And the doctor tells me intercourse remains out of the question
 And between ourselves I'm just a teensy little bit annoyed
 So while the icicle vendetta might require the blue sombrero
 I'd prefer to say the twilight's made me don the blue beret
 And I'd be acting out of character if I required the pharmacist
 To staunch my bleeding wound with the Italian tourniquet
 Perhaps I lack a sense of humour but your interesting rumour
 Sketches me a stature quite impossible to match
 Where your baroque imagination sees adulterous Casanova
 In reality I'm just an unadulterated wretch