Don't Tell Me

BBQ food is good
 You invite me out to eat it, I should
 Go, but I'm feeling kind of nervous
 And not quite myself
 So I'm running late on purpose
 And I know this won't help
 How things have become between us
 But if I go you'll give me hell
 And that I don't know how to fix it
 Is making me unwell, well
 I arrive at your house
 But you've just got up
 And you are wearing a towel
 And your eyes look dark
 I help to dry your body
 And I see your cut
 So I give you a plaster
 And we cover it up
 I say "Have you been crying?"
 And you say "Shut Up"
 So we sit in the garden
 And touch the grass
 With our hands
 The sun is going down now
 And it's been okay
 You tell me all these things you did
 While I was away
 And this worries me somewhat
 You say you're fine
 Listen
 Can you hear it?
 Does it speak?
 Will I feel it?
 Will it hurt?
 Am I near it?
 I dont know
 I dont know how more people haven't got mental health problems
 Thinking is one of those stressful things I've ever come across
 And not being able to articulate what I want to say drives me crazy
 I think I should try and read more books
 And learn some new words
 My sister used to read the dictionary
 I'm going to start with that
 I'd like to travel
 I want to see India and the pyramids
 A whale and that race with all the bicycles in France
 I'm not sure about rivers, they scare me
 But I love swimming, I'm good at it
 And when I swim I think about numbers
 And count the laps
 When I was younger I saw a house burnt down
 And I walked past it everyday for the next six years
 Derelict, black, chalky and dangerous
 I wondered if squatters lived there
 I'm still not sure but I know there were never any parties cuz it was shit
 After a while the council got round to tidying out the town
 Making it less offensive here and there
 They said it was an eyesore so they let tore it down
 Behind the house was a wall with a few bits of crappy graffiti and the word 'Cunt' written on it in giant letters
 And now I walk past that
 I like sitting in the park
 And I like walking through it
 I like taking my dogs there
 And friends, and I like being alone
 I like flowers and simplicity
 I like compassion and thoughtful gifts
 I like being able to shout
 But I wish I could be quiet
 When I'm quiet people think I'm sad
 And usually I am
 Sometimes when I'm at a busy train station
 Somewhere big with the noisy trains like King's Cross
 I feel like putting down my bags and shouting things out because I've got something to say
 Don't you want to share the guilt?
 Don't think, just try and sleep