Precooked Rice (blurry illusions)

You know just how to
 Brew your coffee so every flavor shows its teeth
 You take your time with each section of my spine, babe
 You really know just how to please
 You're meticulous with every grocery list
 You've got a garden growing green
 I smile silently, you're staring back at me and say
 "Tell me what you're thinking for a penny"
 But I don't wanna tell you why I don't cry anymore
 How many nights I've spent clutching my knees against the floor
 I buy precooked rice
 And I'm not that nice to myself
 I don't wanna show you what it's like behind my smile
 So I'll just keep my thoughts at bay and kiss you for a while
 Let's keep our lips busy, get a little dizzier
 Blurring this illusion that I've built for you
 Don't shatter it now
 Don't shatter it now
 You get up early, you go on runs
 Six miles through the city just for fun
 You revel in the stillness of the morning
 Invite me to the desert without any sort of warning
 I take my pills at eleven
 Get out of bed at quarter 'til
 Can't seem to find where I've misplaced my peace of mind
 But believe it or not, this is how I heal
 But I don't wanna tell you why I don't cry anymore
 How many nights I've spent clutching my knees against the floor
 I buy precooked rice
 And I'm not that nice to myself
 I don't wanna show you what it's like behind my smile
 So I'll just keep my thoughts at bay and kiss you for a while let's
 Keep our lips busy, get a little dizzier
 Blurring this illusion that I've built for you
 Don't shatter it now
 Don't shatter it now
 You can buy me jade
 We can hope it grows
 But today, I'm still too petrified to genuinely show you who I am
 But I'll eat your homemade jam
 I don't wanna cry for you, won't open up that door
 So I'll just get my things and drive away, just like before
 I'll try to keep myself busy
 Stop getting dizzy
 I'll hide behind this cold, aloof illusion
 So for the sake of settling confusion
 It's over now
 It's over now