Painting Pictures of a Never Ending Mess

I was a gold at the rainbow type of person
 And now I realize what it feels like to truly be asleep
 If I could change anything in my head
 I'd add flowers and more of my childhood
 Because nothing went right until I realized it was all in my head
 I go for a walk and think about it all
 And how I wish I'd stayed at home
 I'm painting pictures of a never ending mess
 But if I could change anything I'd change the world
 And put myself in another one
 Because when I'm lying in a field staring at the sky or stars
 I want to cry and sleep and die all at the same time
 And then be reborn with all I've ever wanted
 Staring at the candles in the bathroom while it's raining outside
 Whenever someone sees me they have nothing to say