Oh, Elizabeth I

If you're feeling lonely, and if you're feeling blue
 And things are at their worst
 If you know your history, then just do what I do
 Sing a song about Elizabeth the First
 Some say she was a tyrant
 She was mean to all her vassals
 But then hey, I wasn't there
 Maybe her vassals all were assholes
 Oh Yeah, Oh Yeah, Oh Yeah
 And her daddy left four step moms
 With the women that he wedded
 And he got a little paranoid and
 Had her mom beheaded
 Oh Yeah, Oh Yeah, Oh Yeah
 And her cousin tried to kill her
 So she locked her in a garrison
 It makes your folks divorce
 Pretty minor by comparison
 Yeah, Oh Yeah, Oh Yeah
 Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah
 Oh, Elizabeth, get some sleep
 Take that crazy crown on off your head
 The Spanish armada has been battled back to Spain
 And now you run the middle ages from the middle of your bed
 She had a lot of suitors
 Lots of princes made a pass at her
 I bet that once or twice
 She would make out with an ambassador
 Oh Yeah, Oh Yeah, Oh Yeah
 But the couriers and courtiers
 Were uppity and boring
 She had crushes on explorers
 But they always went exploring
 Oh Yeah, Oh Yeah, Oh Yeah
 So she never kept a king
 She held her independence higher
 And her sexual frustration
 She just took it out on Ireland
 Yeah, Oh Yeah, Oh Yeah
 Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah
 Oh, Elizabeth, get some sleep
 Wipe that crazy frown on off your head
 The Catholic insurgents are all lying in a ditch
 And now you run the middle ages from the Middle of your bed
 And they named a colony after her
 And they called it Virginia
 'Cause she's the Virgin Queen
 Which seems to me awfully personal
 Oh, Elizabeth, get some sleep
 Wipe those crazy tears on off your head
 Your poets and your pirates, they all like you as a friend
 And now you run the middle ages from the middle of your bed