Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen)

Ladies and gentlemen of the class of '99
 Wear sunscreen
 If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it
 The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists
 Whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable
 Than my own meandering experience, I will dispense this advice now
 Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth, oh, never mind
 You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth
 Until they've faded but trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back
 At photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now
 How much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked
 You are not as fat as you imagine
 Don't worry about the future
 Or worry, but know that worrying
 Is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum
 The real troubles in your life are apt to be things
 That never crossed your worried mind
 The kind that blindsides you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday
 Do one thing every day that scares you
 Sing, don't be reckless with other people's hearts
 Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours
 Floss
 Don't waste your time on jealousy
 Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind
 The race is long and in the end, it's only with yourself
 Remember compliments you receive
 Forget the insults, if you succeed in doing this, tell me how
 Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements
 Stretch
 Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life
 The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22
 What they wanted to do with their lives
 Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't
 Get plenty of calcium
 Be kind to your knees
 You'll miss them when they're gone
 Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't
 Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't
 Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the 'Funky Chicken'
 On your 75th wedding anniversary
 Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much
 Or berate yourself either
 Your choices are half chance, so are everybody else's
 Enjoy your body, use it every way you can
 Don't be afraid of it or what other people think of it
 It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own
 Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your own living room
 Read the directions even if you don't follow them
 Do not read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly
 Get to know your parents, you never know when they'll be gone for good
 Be nice to your siblings, they're your best link to your past
 And the people most likely to stick with you in the future
 Understand that friends come and go
 But a precious few, who should hold on
 Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle
 For as the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young
 Live in New York City once but leave before it makes you hard
 Live in northern California once but leave before it makes you soft
 Travel
 Accept certain inalienable truths
 Prices will rise, politicians will philander, you, too, will get old
 And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young
 Prices were reasonable, politicians were noble
 And children respected their elders
 Respect your elders
 Don't expect anyone else to support you
 Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse
 But you never know when either one might run out
 Don't mess too much with your hair
 Or by the time you're 40 it will look 85
 Be careful whose advice you buy but be patient with those who supply it
 Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past
 From the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts
 And recycling it for more than it's worth
 But trust me on the sunscreen