The Money Song

Help the homeless!
 Help the homeless!
 Ooh! Hey Princeton!
 Give me a quarter!
 Here in my hat!
 Come on, Princeton!
 It's as easy as that!
 Helping others brings you
 Closer to God.
 So give me a quarter...
 I don't have any change.
 Hmmm... okay.
 Give me a dollar.
 That's not what I meant.
 Give me a five.
 Are you kidding?
 The more you give.
 The more you get.
 That's being alive!
 All I'm asking you
 Is to do what
 Jesus Christ would do.
 He'd give me a quarter,
 Why don't you?
 All right, all right, here you go.
 Ahh, thanks!
 Take care.
 Whoa!
 What's the matter?
 I feel generous!
 I feel compassionate!
 You do?
 Yeah! I feel like a new person - a good person!
 Helping other people out makes you feel fantastic!
 That's what I've been trying to tell you-
 All this time I've been running around thinking
 About me, me, me - and where has it gotten me!
 I'm gonna do something for someone else!
 Me?
 No - Kate! I'm going to raise the money to build that
 Stupid Monster School she's always talking about!
 Give me your money!
 What?
 I need it for Kate!
 I need it to eat!
 Come on, Nicky!
 Aww, get lost!
 It'll make you feel great!
 So would a burger!
 When her dream comes true,
 It'll all be partly
 Thanks to you
 So give me your money!
 I'd like to, but I can't.
 Give me your money!
 I'd like to, but I need it!
 Give me your money!
 I'd like to, but I'm homeless!
 I can't! I need it! I'm homeless!
 I can't! I need it! I'm homeless!
 I can't! I need it! I'm homeless!
 Okay, here you go.
 Thank you!
 Suddenly,
 I am feeling
 Closer to God.
 It's time to stop begging
 It's time to start giving!
 What can I give to Rod?
 Something he'll like so much he'll take me back.
 Ooh, I know! I'll find him a boyfriend!
 That's the spirit!
 When you help others,
 You can't help helping yourself!
 When you help others,
 You can't help helping yourself!
 Hey boys, what's the hat for?
 Ooh, we're collecting money!
 It's for Kate! We're raising money to help build her dream school!
 Give us your money!
 You'll be glad that you did!
 That's just what my parents told me
 When I was a kid.
 Sh*t.
 But giving feels so great...
 And I bet it wouldn't hurt
 Your chances with Kate.
 Well, that too.
 I'll give you a dollar.
 You're a gentleman
 And a scholar.
 We so happy! We just exchange all your wedding gifts for cash!
 Honey, don't tell THEM that!
 We get about 2, 000 bucks!
 Uh, yeah, so - thanks, everybody!
 We rich!
 Give us your money!
 Give us your money!
 Give us your goddamn money!
 Give us the dough!
 Give us the dough!
 We're raising money
 For a Monster School
 But we've got a ways to go.
 Sounds like you've
 Got money to burn
 And it's not like money
 That you had to earn.
 So give us your money -
 A monster school?
 Sounds like a good cause.
 Give me your wallet.
 Oh my gosh! I don't know how to thank you guys.
 I mean, Kate will be so grateful!
 That kind of money is such a great start...
 Yeah, $15.
 $15?
 Every little bit help.
 Looks like we're gonna have to ask MORE people!
 Hey!
 Give us your money!
 All that you've got!
 Just fork it on over...
 Or some puppets
 Will get shot!
 Hey!
 It's time to pass the hat
 And there's nothing you can do 'bout that
 So give us your money!
 Give us your money!
 Give us your money!
 When you help others,
 You can't help helping yourself!
 When you help others,
 You can't help helping yourself!
 Every time you
 Do good deeds
 You're also serving
 Your own needs.
 When you help others,
 You can't help helping yourself!
 When you give
 To a worthy cause
 You'll feel as jolly
 As Santa Clause.
 When you help others,
 You can't
 Help
 Helping yourself!