The Old Dun Cow

Some friends and I
 In a public house
 Were playing dominos one night
 Into the room the barman came
 His face all chalky white
 "What's up?" says Brown
 "Have you seen a ghost?
 Have you seen your Aunt Mariah?"
 "Oh me Aunt Mariah be buggered!" said he
 "The bloody pub's on fire!"
 "On fire!" says Brown
 "What a bit of luck
 Everybody follow me
 Down to the cellar, if the fire's not there
 We'll have a rare old spree!"
 So we all went down after good old Brown
 Booze we could not miss
 And we weren't there 5 minutes or more
 'Til we were all half pissed
 And there was Brown, upside down
 Lickin' up the whiskey off the floor
 "Booze! Booze!" the firemen cried
 As they came knockin' at the door
 Don't let them in till it's all mopped up
 Somebody shouted "MacIntyre" (MacIntyre!)
 And we all got blue blind
 Paralytic drunk
 When the Old Dun Cow caught fire
 Then Smith went over
 To the port wine tub
 Gave it a few hard knocks
 Started takin' off his pantaloons
 Likewise his shoes and socks
 "Hold on!" Says Brown
 "We can't have that!
 You can't do that in here!
 Don't go washin' your trotters
 In the port wine tub
 When we've got all this Lite beer"
 And there was Brown, upside down
 Lickin' up the whiskey off the floor
 "Booze! Booze!" the firemen cried
 As they came knockin' at the door
 Don't let them in till it's all mopped up
 Somebody shouted "MacIntyre" (MacIntyre!)
 And we all got blue blind
 Paralytic drunk
 When the Old Dun Cow caught fire
 Just then there came an awful crash
 Half the bloody roof gave way
 We were drowned in the fireman's hose
 Still, we were going to stay
 So we got some tacks
 And our old wet slacks
 And nailed ourselves inside
 And we sat there swallyin'
 Pints of stout
 Till we were bleary-eyed!
 And there was Brown, upside down
 Lickin' up the whiskey off the floor
 "Booze! Booze!" the firemen cried
 As they came knockin' at the door
 Don't let them in till it's all mopped up
 Somebody shouted "MacIntyre" (MacIntyre!)
 And we all got blue blind
 Paralytic drunk
 When the Old Dun Cow caught fire