Late December

I still remember that night
 Sitting in silence hoping
 But I already knew you were gone
 Confirmation stabbed in me cracking out until all parts
 Of me collapsed and any semblance of hope turned to ash
 I can't count how many times
 I thought of following you
 Almost wishing each new wave of agony would finally push me to the
 End. I know you'll never hear those messaged i left but i still wish
 We could exchange
 Words and laughs one more time
 Or that i could even hear your voice, your breath responding to mine
 There are so many things i wish
 I could say in that moment or the last time we spoke
 When i was really the last voice that you heard on this earth
 No one ask why we all saw the pain in your eyes that you
 Tried to hide with a smile, it was such a beautiful smile
 We never, never believed in heaven
 But i still hope you are in that house by the Beach. No
 No more pain in this life. You can rest now, but i miss you
 They said you looked so peaceful and i don't know if i wish i could
 Have seen you like that, no struggle
 No pain, you're unchained from this earth
 But all i can picture in my mind is an angel in the rope
 I'm so sorry that i couldn't help you
 I wanted you to be free from the tangles thorns
 I want to go back, back to a time when our hearts beat as one
 In the end I can't accept that I'm still here and you are not