It's A Helluva Way To Run A Love Affair

In natural history, every he
 When wanting a particular she
 Can always find a way to tell her so
 The cricket chirps, the penguin struts
 The monkey tosses coconuts
 The bullfrog makes a noise like Vaughn Monroe
 What's true of bird and bee
 Applies to people equally
 Except for my particular Romeo
 He may adore me, how would I know?
 If I'm the light of his life, it doesn't show
 I go through the motions, but I'm well aware
 It's a helluva way to run love affair
 He doesn't tingle whenever we meet
 Our love has all of the thrill of shredded wheat
 We never run barefoot through each other's hair
 It's a helluva way to run love affair
 Some lucky lovers have a talent for romance
 Hackensack can feel like Paris, France
 I have a true love with a different kind of knack
 He turns Paris into Hackensack
 I'm not suggesting he isn't A-1
 He has a character like George Washington
 But when will my Georgie cross the Delaware
 It's a helluva way to run love affair
 One enchanted evening
 I'm my quiet living room
 Candlelit and heavy with perfume
 Love songs I played him
 That sent shivers down his spine
 And he fell in love with Oscar Hammerstein
 For no good reason I'm hanging around
 There must be some other fish that can be found
 I'm stuck with the one I'm stuck on C'est la gare
 My trustworthy loyal helpful friendly square
 It's a helluva way to run a love affair