"all aboard"

Welcome aboard the southbound Lassitude 432 to Grim Town
 If you are standing, please continue to stand
 There are no additional seats
 Please note, this train is for the following categories of passenger only
 Recipients of universal credit or minimum wage
 The lonely, the disenfranchised, the disillusioned, the lost, the grieving
 Those who are unmedicated and have salaries or pension plans
 Should vacate the carriage immediately
 Passengers will be required to disembark and travel on their knees from this point
 Sustenance will not be available
 Please surrender any faith, aspiration or optimism to platform staff if you haven't already
 There will be no refunds or compensation for inconvenience
 Refreshments will not be available onboard
 Enjoy your journey