Dear Prudence

dear diary,
 today was a long day at school, and I haven't really eaten anything yet today, but. I guess that's good.
 I just wanted to. write something real quick before I was off to bed.
 so here it goes.
 dear diary.
 I'm 14 and I always feel so nervous.
 tell me why is it that everyone is so perfect, while I feel so worthless,
 and they look so happy, well lately for me my mood has been so crappy.
 and I have come to believe all of the things that I'm seeing,
 on magazines and TV of every single perfect being,
 all the girls with perfect bodies and such amazing skin.
 oh how I would would Kill to live the life that they are in.
 I've been trying to lose weight over the past couple weeks,
 throwing up after meals on the rare terms that I eat,
 but that isn't enough, I still need to do much more to get this guy to notice me, people wonder "what for?"
 there is so much room in my tummy for food that it isn't funny,
 I don't wanna be people's dummy, but either way I feel dumpy.
 most of the time I am left here, just thinking to myself
 "oh god is this worth it, or do I need some help like
 I've been used by guys,
 I've been hurt by girls,
 I've been hit by my mom,
 and cursed by the world,
 so I keep losing weight,
 just trying to be perfect,
 I've been waiting for somebody to tell me that I'm worth it.
 I've been used by guys,
 I've been hurt by girls,
 I've been hit by my mom,
 and cursed by the world,
 so I keep losing weight,
 just trying to be perfect,
 I've been waiting for somebody to tell me that I'm worth it.
 You're not alone x 17
 I'm 23 And just ran across my old diary
 I opened it up
 but I don't know what inspired me to do this
 but I did
 and was instantly in tears
 to think of how lost I was during those young years
 and that guy that I mentioned back when I was 14
 he's my fiancee now
 I guess that I'm living a dream
 we got a small house,
 a nice car,
 and a good life
 but my arms are still scarred from using my own knife
 be he accepts me how I am,
 and he knows about my past
 and after all that he says we're still gonna last
 and I love him
 I love him I love him
 with all my heart
 I honestly couldn't take it if we got pulled apart
 if I could say one thing to me at age 14
 it will be that you'll find a guy
 who will treat you like a queen
 it gets better than it is,
 don't worry about your size
 and never think you're alone
 someone out there hears your cries saying
 I've been used by guys,
 I've been hurt by girls,
 I've been hit by my mom,
 and cursed by the world,
 so I keep losing weight,
 just trying to be perfect,
 I've been waiting for somebody to tell me that I'm worth it.
 I've been used by guys,
 I've been hurt by girls,
 I've been hit by my mom,
 and cursed by the world,
 so I keep losing weight,
 just trying to be perfect,
 I've been waiting for somebody to tell me that I'm worth it.
 You're not alone x 17