It's Dangerous to Go Alone

Hey
 Heh
 Alright
 Yeah
 Aww, yeah
 My name is Link, y'all
 I'm straight outta Hyrule
 Been on the force of good
 Since 1986, old school
 I'm bringing you a laid back
 Summertime jam
 Hold on a minute, Link
 Hey, what's up, old man?
 I see that you're embarking
 On another epic quest
 You're gonna use your ocarina
 To rescue the princess
 But you'll need a magic weapon
 That'll never ever miss
 It's dangerous to go alone
 Take this
 Thanks, Old Man
 That is really very nice
 I can always count on you
 For help and friendly advice
 Though I've never seen a sword
 Of quite that shape or size
 Oh god, that's not a sword
 It's your dick in disguise
 Yes, I can't lie
 I have painted my shween
 Now grab your destiny
 If you know what I mean
 Wait a minute, Link
 Don't leave the cave
 Where do you think you're going?
 This is a great chance
 To fondle old scrotum
 That you're blowing
 That was weird
 But whatever
 There is no time to lose
 I've got to warp right now to Zelda
 In this chilled out groove
 Wait, this isn't Ganon's lair
 I'm in Liberty City
 This place looks just like Philadelphia
 But even more shitty
 I'm at the corner of Dead Cop
 And Prostitute Junction
 Something in my Ocarina must have
 Gone and malfunctioned
 I gotta fix it quickly
 There is justice to do
 Hold on a minute, Link
 Old Man, is that you?
 This is a place you can't survive
 With just your sword and your wits
 It's dangerous to go alone
 Take this
 Well that's really kind of-
 Gah
 That's your wrinkled dick again
 Look, I know I wear a tunic
 But I'm not into men
 Don't be that way, bitch
 Let me introduce you
 To my three best friends
 Mr. Johnson and the Juice Crew
 If you see the princess Zelda
 Well, you know you're gonna grab her
 So why don't you try to come grab
 My inflatable Poo Jabber
 Oh my god
 I gotta warp outta here
 Princess Zelda awaits
 I must defeat Ganondorf
 Before it gets too late
 Ok, now I really
 Don't know where I am
 Hold on a minute, Link
 God dammit, Old Man
 You're in Raccoon City
 It's a zombie abyss
 It's dangerous to go alone
 Take-
 No
 Fuck you
 I'm not giving you a
 I'm not touching your ween
 Stop the chilled out groove
 Jeez
 I come in here
 You tell me you've got
 A wee wee weapon
 It's not cool
 Not gonna touch it
 I'm not gonna sp-
 No
 So is that a "No" on the handjob or?
 Ok