The Simple Plot of Kingdom Hearts

Uuuurgh, hello and welcome to what I pray
 Is the final episode of talking video games
 Don't, don't clap for their asses
 Today our topic, like always
 Is games with simple plots
 (Hi, i'm Zora from Kingdom Hearts)
 No, you shut your mouth
 I'm starting wtih our other guests first
 Guests, please tell us your name
 And the simple plot of your game
 Hey, I'm the cast of Marganoid
 And as far as I can tell, I'm a tube and a ball bounces off me
 I'm Miss Pacman, I'm Pacman with a bow
 Okay Zora, did you see how it's done?
 Tell me the plot of your game, real simple
 Just like that
 You got it (Cue the music)
 No don't cue the music
 Kairi washes up on the shore
 Completely unaware of what the heck is in store
 Then Destiny Islands blows up from the war
 Of the heartless little evil guys that run on all fours
 I'm already lost, who are these people and places?
 I'll tell you later buddy, I'm already off to the races
 I'm now in Traverse Town, with Goofy and Donald Duck
 From the Disney movies?
 Yes!
 What exactly the fuck?
 I'm a keyblade wielder and they need my ability
 Sealing keyholes of worlds, restoring all the tranquility
 This is not making sense
 It's a little hard to follow
 Everything will come together in the Bastion of Hollow
 Let me get this straight, it's Mickey Mouse and You (Nope)
 With all your Heartless friends defending all that's true (Wrong)
 Now it is your destiny to cut up a bunch of keys
 Cause this is Final Fantasy! (Not even close)
 So I'm looking for Riku while I'm out on my quest
 Do I know him?
 He's my best friend!
 Hashtag blessed
 Well actually he's evil it was just a facade
 Now he's my arch enemy
 Oh my fucking god!
 Now we are travelling to Hollow Bastion we go
 Run into Riku, OH NO! possessed by Ansem and so
 He's after Princess Kairi
 And then I really try to be
 A hero so I die to free
 Her heart that's deep inside of me
 Tell me why Ansem even wants Kairi?
 Why is the princess human if a mouse is king?
 Are you some kind of buccaneer?
 If you died how are you here?
 Please kill me with the nearest spear! (Oh I'll clear it up)
 So I turned into a heartless, then brought back by Kairi's power
 We escaped to the end of the world, a place that's really dour
 Ansem followed us there 'cause his plan finally starts to flower
 As Kingdom Hearts appears making every person quake and cower
 What is Kingdom Hearts?
 It's a door and also a moon
 But there's another one, and it's a moon, but not like the first moon
 Anyway, Ansem thinks that Kingdom Hearts has tons of bad stuff
 But it opens and he melts from all the goodness
 That's tough!
 Then we find out it's a doorway venting evil fast
 But it was filled with light and stuff?
 It's better not to ask.
 Me and Mickey Mouse sealed up the door from both sides with our keys
 And that's the basic premise of my game! No questions please!
 My god this plot is all that I can take
 I want to cry and jerk off into some pancakes
 But I must swallow all the hate
 I give up this is my fate
 As host of Talking Video Games
 ♪
 The ratings are in
 The show's cancelled
 Tits, fuck yes, I mean, no, oh no