The Stocking Song

So you say you like candy canes
 All the ladies do
 Candy canes were meant for sucking
 So don't you think about trying to chew
 How about a little eggnog
 I got a homemade recipe
 You're gonna get love drunk on my eggnog
 Even though it's alcohol-free
 I'm gonna stuff your stocking this year
 Gonna fill up nice and tight
 Gonna feel so good when I slide my gifts into it tonight
 I'm gonna stuff your stocking this year
 Gonna fill it up with all I got
 Nick nacks and candies gonna hit your stocking g-spot
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 I know you like your toys, girl
 I got toys to fulfill your needs
 The kind that only use double d batteries
 And run at variable speeds
 Gonna stuff it with an iPhone
 All I ask is some tit-for-tat
 If you could memorize the Kama Sutra
 Heck, they probably make an app for that
 I'm gonna stuff your stocking this year
 Gonna fill it to the tippy top
 Gonna take it all out
 Then stuff it back in
 Take it all out, stuff it back in, oh
 You'll never want me to stop
 I'm gonna stuff your stocking this year
 With holiday love and romance
 I just hope that Santa doesn't stuff it
 Before I get the chance