Feigning Familiarity

I've pushed a chair below the fixture
 I've tied a knot around the rod
 Still i've yet to find the courage
 To take that step forward
 Coiled around each moment
 Growing in our organs
 Nobody gets around it
 Friendships never feel substantial
 Lovers see me at my worst
 No joy in social interaction
 No pleasure left in sexual conquest
 Just wasted life force
 Torn flesh
 An overrated high
 Once the body exceeds its shelf life
 There's no temptation or desire
 Seems like every connection that I make
 Inevitably turns morose or banal
 But chasing comfort through the gutters led me here
 One fix away from a perfect place
 Into the fold of heaven's captives
 Locked in a cell behind its gates
 Stripping away the moral bondage
 Laying the mind and heart to rest
 Into the burn
 Gathering light
 Severing self from flesh and blood
 Into the void
 Into the end
 Falling
 Spinning
 Suddenly I am moving through the moments of my crimes
 Seeing myself through my victim's eyes
 Now I am the carrion
 My own release
 The blackest recess
 My deepest need
 I'm not suffering
 I am blossoming
 Into an absence
 An open vacancy
 I'm not afraid
 I am finally at peace