Be Gay, Do Drugs, Hail Satan

I showed up for school with my soul in my pocket
 The sisters was wearing a cross and a locket
 And a grimace that told me I'd never be welcome
 Dungeons and Dragons would send me to Hell
 Some kid in the bathroom, between the bells ringing
 Shared with me how he made peace with the demons
 The advice that he gave me was written on paper
 Passed between him and another tenth grader
 Six simple words
 Be gay, do drugs, hail Satan
 Be gay, do drugs, hail Satan
 Be gay, do drugs, hail Satan
 Be gay, do drugs, hail Satan
 The principal asked me how I had achieved it
 I turned it around from a dunce to a genius
 He wondered if I had been bribing the teachers
 Or copying homework down under the bleachers
 I told him that I had found God in my own way
 In tablets and horns, and the boys in the hallway
 The head of the class, and I'm writing a speech
 It'll be the best one that you ever did read and it's
 Six simple words
 Be gay, do drugs, hail Satan
 Be gay, do drugs, hail Satan
 Beelzebub is full of love
 Be gay, do drugs, hail Satan
 My family's gathered in a circle
 I'm 95, and I've lived a good life
 My grandson, he hovers around to my bedside
 He asks if I have any words of advice for him
 And I do, "Listen in closely
 Come on in close, I'll speak it softly"
 Be gay, do drugs, hail Satan
 Be gay, do drugs, hail Satan
 Beelzebub is full of love
 Be gay, do drugs, and hail, hail Satan