Phantom Limb Masturbation (Live)

It started as a child when I first sought to flirt with fate I'd lay next to the tracks with arms
 outstretched across the rails daydreaming fantasizing of sparks and screeching brakes the plumes
 of bright red gushing iridescent in the sun adopt a life of struggle one down three more to go
 desire: amputation leave me writhing in the limbless throes it is deficiency I crave I want so to be helpless to inferiority a slave a clump of breathing flesh free from extremity now replete with
 nothing left disassemble me limb from limb oh what a treat no more feeling incomplete nor
 encumbered by this lie my prayer is for calamity merciful blades to sever me crippling
 detruncating immobile by design majestic ancient titan swims proudly in its tank I wish to slake
 its hunger flailing my legs as bait "I finally feel complete. I am now whole." superfluous gesture
 an unnecessary art sacrificial offering unto the gilded saw rid me of my shame of what I've
 overachieved my envy is the handicapped lord I beg of you I plead I plead wheelchairs
 prosthetics crutches all stimulus to me my love beyond mere fetish call it disabling I'd waltz
 upon a landmine feed digits to machines phantom limb masturbation the only way dissemble me
 limb from limb oh what a treat no more feeling incomplete nor encumbered by this lie my prayer
 is for calamity a merciful blades to sever me crippling detruncating immobile by design
 hope is for catastrophe a gangrenous limbdectomy dismantling dismembering cut down to
 perfect size