No Easy Way

You've made a generous offer and while I wish I could accept it
 I'm afraid to say you've asked me on imperfect information
 I'm a danger to you and others and while I'd love to be your girlfriend
 There is something you should know that introduces complications
 There's no easy way to say this but I think that I'm a vampire
 My teeth are getting pointy and I stay up late at night
 I don't think that you could take it if I turned into a vampire
 So you'll have to find a different date to prom
 I have mixed feelings about this entire situation
 Now that I know what's happening I do feel some relief
 Though I hate to have to hurt you but I know that you will thank me
 When my horrific and powerful transition is complete
 There's no easy way to say this but I think I'm a zombie
 I am feeling rather sluggish and getting bored with normal food
 I don't think that you could take if I turned into a zombie
 So you'll have to find a different date to prom
 You might think that there's a different explanation
 For these symptoms in a normal phenomenon
 You might think that I'm getting strange ideas
 From the books I read or the forums I post on
 But those are excuses
 Crazy ideas you're coming up with because you're scared
 This relationship is over
 I can't be with you, you should be glad that you've been spared
 There's no easy way to say this but I think that I'm Cthulhu
 I am longing for the ocean and so very, very tired
 I don't think you could take if I turned into Cthulhu
 So you'll have to find a different date to prom
 Please just ask a different girl to prom