Here at Horace Green

Mr. Schneebly, perhaps you're not familiar with this kind of institution.
 Let me explain something to you.
 Here at Horace Green, our name has come to mean pure excellence in every sense
 Which we comandeer for quite a lofty yearly fee
 When they write those checks
 Each parent here expects
 Their child to earn a high return
 And because they do, the pressure's on for you and me
 Here at Horace Green
 We rule the rankings
 Lead in funding
 Test right off the chart
 Greatness is routine, the Board demands it
 Or we will both be ripped apart.
 Oh, no worries with me. If a kid gets out of line, I smack 'em. Real hard.
 There is no corporal punishment.
 But you do spank 'em though, right?
 Eh?
 No.
 At our hallowed school the children, as a rule, learn discipline
 We drill it in
 With, as you might guess, the fear of doing less than well
 While they're in our care we tenderling prepare them to compete
 With the elite
 Till they are dispersed to Harvard, or at worst, Cornell.
 Here at Horace Green
 We take top honors
 Crush our rivals
 Wear the prep-school crown
 There's no in between
 We get results here
 Or the alums will hunt us down
 Here at Horace Green
 We stick to custom
 Keep on schedule
 Do what must be done
 Don't and it will mean I go ballistic!
 Right.
 Then that's all.
 Good luck, have fun!