An Irish Pub Song

There's a county map to go on the wall
 A hurling stick and a shinty ball
 The bric, the brac, the craic and all
 Let's call it an Irish pub (Hey)
 Caffreys, Harp, Kilkenny on tap
 The Guinness pie and that cabbage crap
 The ideal wannabee Paddy trap
 We'll call it an Irish pub
 Whale, oil, beef, hooked! I swear upon the holy book
 The only 'craic' you'll get is a slap in the ear
 Whale, oil, beef, hooked! I'll up and burst yer filthy mug
 If you draw one more shamrock in me beer! (Hey)
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 We'll raise the price o' beer a dollar
 We'll make em wear a shirt and collar
 We'll fly a bloody tri-colour
 And call it an Irish pub
 Jager bombs and double shots
 The underagers think its tops
 We'll spike the drinks and pay the cops
 We got us an Irish pub
 The quick one in the filthy bog
 The partin' glass across the lug
 O' the lady-O, the dirty dog
 We got us an Irish pub
 It's over to me (and over to you)
 We'll skip along the Avenue
 (And who t'hell is Ronnie Drew?)
 We got us an Irish pub
 Whale, oil, beef, hooked! I swear upon the holy book
 The only 'craic' you'll get is a slap in the ear
 Whale, oil, beef, hooked! I'll up and burst yer filthy mug
 If you draw one more shamrock in me beer!
 ♪
 Plasma screens and neon lights
 Kara-farkin-oke nights
 The bouncers they can pick the fights
 We'll call it an Irish pub
 Plastic cups, a polished floor
 We'll hose the blood right out the door
 And let the knucklers back for more
 We got us an Irish pub
 Whale, oil, beef, hooked! I swear upon the holy book
 The only 'craic' you'll get is a slap in the ear
 Whale, oil, beef, hooked! I'll up and burst yer filthy mug
 If you draw one more shamrock in me beer!
 ♪
 Oh top o' the mornin', Garryowen
 Kiss me I'm Irish, Molly Malone
 Failte, Slainte, Pog ma thon
 We got us an Irish pub
 Spike the punch and strip the willow
 Strike me up the rakes o' Mallow
 The Liffey never ran so shallow
 We got us an Irish pub
 Whale, oil, beef, hooked! I swear upon the holy book
 The only 'craic' you'll get is a slap in the ear
 Whale, oil, beef, hooked! I'll up and burst yer filthy mug
 If you draw one more shamrock in me beer!