Fit Your Life Into A Grid

Cynical and bright
 a tad unkind, a part uptight
 but not too rude
 a mostly focused mind
 I'll let you throw me in the deep
 and watch me sink
 I start to think of what I know
 and expect the worst this time
 well, alright
 My mother's son is calloused
 with youthful catatonic fear
 of something without balance
 this almost killed me once this year
 I coughed up so much blood
 a new tradition
 some ammunition
 well, what if I should drown?
 who would drag me out?
 Then wait for the dead to (forget?)
 breathing for nothing
 sell your soul and nothing
 Cynical and bright
 a tad unkind, a part uptight
 but what's the use?
 a most unfocused mind
 so determined this time
 Memory of being 8 years old
 and I was all alone
 clothes soaked in chlorine
 embarrassed of my childhood results
 as an adult
 denying everything
 Mother's son is calloused
 unbridled and tenacious fear
 of something without balance
 it almost killed me twice that year
 I coughed up so much blood
 a new condition
 some ammunition
 what if I should drown?
 would you drag me out?