Song For The Painfully Indie

There's a girl there on the dancefloor
 And I don't know how to greet her
 Now heterosexuality's
 Not my defining feature
 They said skinny jeans and cardigans
 Were the only way to go
 But it seems that Oxfam employees
 Are not the ones who know just how it works
 Give me a minute
 While I fiddle with my hair
 Cause you keep telling me that it looks fine
 But I'm the one who cares
 About a good impression being made
 Cause I'm the one who might get laid
 Don't tell me how the game is played
 Don't tell me how the game is played
 And I don't want to talk to her and take her hand
 In case she tells me her favourite band is not my favourite band
 And how do I know which drink she'd want me to buy
 When do I look her in the eye
 When did the indie music scene become so over-fussed
 With social inadequacy being such a must
 Don't knock me to the ground
 If I'm already falling
 It'll only make things worse you know
 I always knew my calling was the stage
 This evening's filling me with rage
 I only wish I had some sage advice to give me
 The indie handbook volume three would read
 Show girls you fancy them
 By getting with their boyfriends
 Replace your party loving mates
 With awkward, greasy, coy friends
 Who like listening to Sonic Youth
 You always must appear aloof
 Remember no amount of faking
 Will make your indie band groundbreaking
 Don't think you're special or much less of a disgrace
 Just because you've got yourself a lady who plays bass
 Don't bother finding somebody to play descant recorder
 Yeah that's not gonna put you back in working order
 You haven't got a different sound
 You aren't part of the underground
 You haven't been together long
 So try to write some bloody decent songs
 The girl's outside now
 Talking to a taxi driver
 If she were coming home with me
 It'd only cost a fiver to my door
 I'd talk to her but I am sure
 She must've heard it all before from guys
 Oh I could cry
 That's probably the reason why
 She's dressed just like a lesbian
 I hear it's quite a craze
 You can hardly move in pubs
 For all the lesbians these days
 But it hardly matters if she's gay
 It's time to move on anyway
 I'll see you guys here half past ten
 Tomorrow evening, do it all again