Hard to Be the Bard

My days are so busy it's making me dizzy
 There's so much I gotta do
 There's lunches and meetings and poetry readings
 And endless interviews
 Gotta pose for a portrait
 And how I deplore sitting there for eternity
 Then it's off to the inn
 Where my innkeeper friend
 Wants to name a drink after me
 Then it's back to my room, where I resume
 My attempt to write a hit
 Just me and my beer and the terrible fear
 That I might be losing it
 And it's hard,
 It's hard
 It's hard,
 It's hard
 It's really hard
 So very very hard
 It's really hard
 Very very hard
 I make it look easy but honey believe me
 It's hard
 It's hard
 It's hard,
 It's hard
 It's so incredibly hard
 So inconceivably, unbelievably hard
 It's hard to be the bard
 Honestly, I don't know how I do it.
 There's only so much of me to go around.
 I've got so many fans
 With so many demands
 I can hardly go take a piss
 He can't pee
 Be it theater-freak or
 The autograph-seeker
 They all want a piece of this
 Gimme, Gimme
 It's a cross that I bear,
 I'm like Jesus, I swear
 It's a burden but I suffer through it
 He is suffering
 It's all part of the game,
 The trappings of fame
 But somebody's gotta do it
 So he does it
 And I know, I know, I gotta go
 And get back to my pen and ink
 Oh don't make me do it,
 Don't make me go through it
 Can somebody get me a drink!
 'Cause it's hard
 It's hard
 It's hard,
 It's hard
 It's really really hard
 It's sexy but it's hard
 It's really hard
 Sexy but it's hard
 This bar that I'm
 Raising to be this amazing!
 It's hard,
 It's hard
 It's hard,
 It's hard
 It's so annoyingly hard
 So unavoidably, unenjoyably hard
 It's hard to be the bard, baby
 I know writing made me famous,
 But being famous is just so much more fun.
 You see... What people just don't understand
 Is that writing's demanding
 It's mentally challenging and it's a bore
 It's such a chore
 To sit in a room by yourself
 Oh my god, I just hate it!
 And you're trying to find
 An opening line or a brilliant idea
 And you're pacing the floor
 And hoping for just a bit of divine intervention
 That one little nugget that one little spark
 Then Eureka! You find it you're ready to start
 So now you can write, right? Wrong!
 You're not even close, you remember that damn it,
 Your play's gotta be in iambic pentameter!
 So you write down a word but it's not the right word,
 So you try a new word but you hate the new word
 And you need a good word but you can't find the word
 Oh where is it, what is it, what is it, where is it!
 Blah-blah-blah, ha ha, ah-ha -UGHHHHHHHH!
 Sir.
 Hello.
 You asked for information on what Nicholas Bottom is writing.
 Our spy is here with the news.
 Did he see me losing it?
 He's half blind, sir.
 Oh, good. Then he only saw half of it.
 You see what I did? Ha ha.
 Speak, man. What news?
 I saw Nick Bottom, I did.
 He paid a soothsayer to foresee what Shakespeare's greatest play would be.
 That sneaky little thief!
 Why doesn't he come up with his own ideas!?
 It's hard
 No. It is, isn't it?
 It's really the worst
 It's hard
 Makes me wonder why I didn't think of that first
 It's hard
 Hard to alleviate the pressure to create
 It's hard
 Hard to do something as good as the last thing I did that was already great
 It's hard
 It's hard,
 So hard that he is stealing from the bard
 Well I'll hoist him by his petard
 All I need is a clever disguise
 Clever disguise
 I'll make him pay for those devious lies
 Devious lies
 Let him do all the tedious stuff
 The work that's terribly and unbearably hard
 Alright Nick Bottom
 I think Shakespeare needs to find out
 What Shakespeare's next big hit will be
 Cause it's hard
 It's totally hard
 It's hard
 It's totally hard
 It's hard
 It's totally hard
 I've got fortune and fame
 Everyone knows my name
 I can't help it if it's so freakin' hard