The Nice Guy Ballad

Hello, no one is available to take your call
 Please leave a message after the tone
 You're a fucking bitch Sarah, I swear to God
 I'm gonna find you, and
 Hey Sarah, I just wanted to say sorry for my last message
 I'm just a little angry at the moment, 'cause it's
 Y'know, I'm such a nice guy and you seem to only date scumbags
 I just wanted to make sure there's no hard feelings between us
 Please, please can you unblock me on MSN Messenger?
 M'lady
 Can you hear me?
 Please don't block my number again
 Look, I've jumped through all your hoops
 We got off on the wrong foot
 But I want to prove to you
 That I'm not obsessed with sex
 Left on seen
 Another visit to your Facebook gallery
 This time not to masturbate
 But instead, to appreciate
 Something no man could do as well as I can
 Something that shouldn't be for free
 Because I'm the only guy for you
 And you're the only girl for me
 So why won't you
 Show me your tits?
 That restraining order
 Was a bit far
 All I did was attach a tracker onto your car
 It's not a felony
 It's not even a crime
 I just wanted to make sure
 You weren't seeing any black guys
 Who am I kidding?
 A girl as pure as you
 Would never go for a man like me
 Because you are what reality is made of
 Even the part that's gritty
 So why won't you
 Show me your tits?
 Consensually
 I'm a gentleman, what can I say?
 I'm also really mentally stable
 I'm gonna kill myself
 If you don't go out with me
 I mean, it's a stretch
 But blood is my dichotomy
 I mean, come on
 I wrote you a fucking song
 I wouldn't have done that if you weren't an attractive woman
 Not... not that you're just a woman to me. I mean I'm a really sensitive guy
 I can... I can see below the skin
 So why won't you
 Show me your tits?
 This isn't where it ends
 We all make our mistakes
 And the world will keep on turning
 But it turns a lot slower
 When you're not around
 I'll settle for a picture of your feet