Struggling With Depression & Suicide

Days of endless struggle
 More hopeful pills today
 Trying to appear "normal"
 In some sort of way
 It seems that the struggle
 Is always here with me
 And I wouldn't be here now
 If guilt would leave me be
 I know there's been many
 Who've had worse than I
 But that doesn't always mean
 That I wouldn't say "good-bye"
 People say I have a lot going for me
 I'm sorry, but I just can't see
 I can't see because my worst enemy
 It's not my life, but inside of me
 Always on a roller coaster
 Not much consistency
 I'm nothing if I'm not up or down
 I'm nothing if just "me"
 Very little energy
 Wanting to stay in bed
 Wishing to be enthusiastic
 Instead of feeling like I'm made of lead
 Wanting to be excited
 Wanting to care for more
 But when nothing makes sense
 It's hard to focus on the poor
 Cluttered mind, cluttered thinking
 It's hard to keep in touch
 With what is happening around me
 And not to worry too much
 I feel that everybody is better than me
 And I can't do anything right
 This is how I've felt my whole dang life
 It didn't just start last night
 No confidence, no self-esteem
 Everybody else is right
 To speakl my mind is to be a fool
 So I just try to "sit-tight"
 Any one of these problems
 Would be a very vice
 But when you have them all
 Living seems like a roll of a dice