This Hollow Ache

Alone
 Within my thoughts
 Reflecting
 On all I've said and done
 Never once
 Have I felt satisfied
 Never again
 Will I even try
 
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 Anger, frustration
 Emotions flare and seethe
 Hands are shaking, filled with rage
 Betrayal from loved ones
 Real or fiction wound the same
 These feelings and this thinking
 Though unwarranted, undeserved
 Lead to a place familiar
 Back to my well of pain
 As the initial shock of the pain fades away
 These cuts, these punctures, these bruises
 Dissolve to a hollow ache
 And the cycle continues
 The finger's pointed but the blame remains
 Digging deeper within me just causes the world itself to fade
 Colors draining
 My eyes go cold and gray
 As I withdraw within
 The ground beneath me starts to sink
 As I am moving forward
 Led deep into the garden
 Led to a place familiar
 Back to my well of pain
 I know this place and why I'm here
 All too well, guilt and shame
 The center of the issues at hand
 The center and the source of my hollow ache
 And self-pity, it beckons
 Despite all I do, it won't shake away
 The more that I rationalize these thoughts, the more they seem to inflame
 And the cycle continues
 The finger's pointed but the blame remains
 Digging deeper within me just causes the world itself to fade
 The cycle of dwelling
 It repeats, it replays
 My hatred of my own mind
 Upcycles and unravels
 Self-hatred and self-loathing
 Have become second nature
 I'm learning to accept now
 That this is good for no one
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 Break wide open
 Resolve to rid those who've been inflicted with me
 Of this plague out of shame
 And self-pity, it beckons
 Despite all I do, it won't shake away
 The more that I rationalize these thoughts, the more they seem to inflame
 And the cycle continues
 The finger's pointed but the blame remains
 Digging deeper within me just causes the world itself to fade
 And the world opened up
 And I gazed into blackness
 And I looked all around me
 And saw nothing but gray
 I looked into myself
 And found I matched the darkness
 With not another thought
 I dove into my well of pain