Ghosts On Retinas

What am I waiting for
 What do I hope to find
 Lying here inside my mind
 So much scattered energy
 Falling in between
 Focusing on how I hurt
 Introvert
 I search my heart I search my soul
 A bust without console
 I search the ground I search for more
 I just can't find the door
 I can't decide I can't control
 I lost control
 I have no faith I have no goal
 I have nothing
 Nothing to explore
 Paralyzed from the neck up
 No twinkle in my eye
 And I have no devotion
 No chills down my spine
 Paralyzed but in slow motion
 Like a zombie
 I keep on moving round and round
 Making sure I can't be found
 Panic rising from inside
 Adrenaline set in
 Still I won't move an inch
 The world outside passes me by
 With the blinding speed of light
 Captured ghosts on retinas
 Fading out
 I never laugh I never feel
 It's hard to conceal
 I never hurt I never heal
 What is fake, what's for real
 I don't believe I believe
 I would've never believed
 I would never believe again
 I don't believe this
 Believe me I never would've believed
 You'd believe me if I told you how
 If I told you how I feel
 Paralyzed from the neck up
 No twinkle in my eye
 And I show no emotion
 No tears fall at goodbye
 Paralyzed like from some potion
 I'm gripped by this stunning notion
 A sensation so profound
 I cannot make a sound
 Apathy spreads fast through me
 Like gangrene dark and cold
 Life and death entangled
 Infection growing sore
 We all know the outcome
 From that struggle in the past
 So what am I waiting for