Understand

Girl, I hope you understand
 I wanted to hold your hand
 But I can't, wanted to be your man
 Back then
 And you knew I fell for you
 But you just broke my heart in two
 I was sad, mad, and broken on my bed
 Hoping I get rid of all the voices in my head
 I was opening a packet of an undeveloped med
 When I was met with a prescription of a bullet made of lead
 And when I woke up in an hour in a pool of my own sweat
 I said, "I swear to God I'll never even try to sleep again"
 So instead I took my pen and started writing evidence
 And when I started making sense, I found that I had reached the end
 Oh, I'm upset, I have no friends, you wanna bet, you're just pretend?
 You're just a pet confined within the lines of writing, you're not shit
 I thought I stopped my psychopathic ways, I swear I did
 I said I talked to people 'bout the problematic life I lived
 They were my neighbors, razor blades and different flavored pills I hid
 Therefore, I'm at surely my last straw
 I'm so gassed, stuck in the past, I said that
 Girl, I hope you understand
 I wanted to hold your hand
 But I can't, wanted to be your man
 Back then
 And so far I never held you with my arms
 So it's hard to be the one you aren't with
 Instead, filled with anxiety
 Always was a part of me, guess I'm not cut out to be
 Somebody 'cause it's not me, I'm not used to all the talking
 Was an introvert that had converted feelings into writing
 Used to cope with all my problems using notes and lots of rhyming
 Used to hope for better days whenever nights would have me crying
 I'm not lying when I say that I would rather die than go back
 To the times that I would try and be the guy the people know as
 Always fighting with the demons hiding far behind my eyelids
 On an island full of violence, in my head I had two pilots
 Oh, the sun don't shine, the skies turn gray
 I feel it coursing through my veins
 I said before I'm not okay
 But you don't listen anyway
 You know I tried, you turned away
 Straight out lied right to my face
 You fucked my life, ruined my day
 But you don't know, so I'll say
 Nothing can fill this silence
 No one can love like I did (you don't know, so I'll say)
 Nobody cares, you lied, it's
 Not fair, you still deny it (so I'll say)
 Nothing can fill this silence
 No one can love like I did (you don't know, so I'll say)
 Nobody cares, you lied, it's
 Not fair, you still deny it (so I'll say)
 Girl, I hope you understand
 I wanted to hold your hand
 But I can't, wanted to be your man
 Back then
 And too bad I know I can't wake up
 Because I've lost my weight, and you don't give a fuck about me
 This could be a dream
 I can't see the things that you see, so please, oh
 Girl, I hope you understand I
 I wanted to hold your hand
 But I can't, wanted to be your man
 Back then
 And you had known and played along
 You were my home, I wrote you songs
 Now you're dead to me, effectively
 Removed yourself outside my dreams