Ballad Of A Ballgame

Do you remember that song by Janis Ian?
 The one where she complains about
 Not getting chosen for the basketball team?
 Her song went, "For those whose names are never called
 When choosing sides for basketball"
 Remember that depressing song?
 I would have written about that but she did it first
 When you're 5 foot 2
 Okay, 5 one and a half
 And everybody else in the whole gym class
 If 5 foot 3 and even taller, it hurts
 Truth is I hadn't thought about that for years
 But then a recent phone call rekindled all those fears
 "A softball game ", Robin said, "And you're invited"
 Softball? Great, that's my game
 Why softball's practically my middle name
 I'll be right over I said, feeling excited
 Even though I can't throw, I can't hit
 I can't run, I must admit
 I can't catch, I can't pitch
 In softball I have not found my niche
 But I don't let details get in my way
 Team sports, ooh, that's what I loves to play
 I got dressed, got my sneakers tied
 Made it to the park in time for choosing sides
 Pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, ooh
 Pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, ooh
 Glove? Sure I own a glove
 But it's in the repair shop with my rugby helmet
 But I can always borrow from the other team
 Pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me
 Pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me
 This part goes on for a long, long time
 Because 20 people showed up to play and they picked 10 to a side
 So as the ranks of the chosen grew and the unchosen we depleted
 I tried to act nonchalant
 'Cause deja vu, I was the last one chosen
 Even after the overdressed Felicity Rosen
 Do you know her?
 She was wearing high heels
 Stockings with seams and those Lee stick on nails
 And they picked her before me
 They put me in the field so far out and to the right
 I was practically out of sight
 But everybody said, I had a real good day
 I didn't make any errors, I didn't make any plays
 You see, the ball never came out my way
 And I figured it's just gonna be one of those days
 Now, coming up to bat was a whole new kind of humbling experience
 I took one swing and missed, that was no surprise
 I took another swing and missed, that was no surprise
 Then I practiced strategy, I let one go by, the umpire called it a ball
 I had a proud moment
 Then the pitcher figured me out
 He threw one I just couldn't resist, I swung and I actually hit it
 But it was a pathetic little dribbler that went
 Bloop, bloop, bloop, right back to the pitcher
 Who threw it over to first and I was out which again is no surprise
 But as I was walking to the bench to pick up my borrowed glove
 To captain of the other team said to the captain of my team
 "Hey, she really doesn't know how to play so let's not count her outs"
 Not count my outs? Not count my outs? What are you talking about?
 I want you to count my outs, I want my outs to count
 Which made me unpopular with my entire team
 So I said, "Don't count my outs"
 What a great idea and it makes me feel so special
 Thank you for being such a sensitive human being
 And thinking of my needs in such an open
 Kind and generous way
 I really said something like that
 I was babbling like an idiot
 Well, eventually I resumed my place in the outfield
 And continued watching the dandelions
 Grow and blossom and turn into puffs
 And blow away in the chilly wind
 I continued watching the clouds making ugly formations in the sky
 And it wasn't long before I began to question my worth as a human being
 And my reason for living
 But then top of the seventh
 Two on, two out, a crack of the bat, a mighty clout
 My whole team turned and cringed to see
 That speeding ball heading vaguely toward me
 I ran as fast as I could, I said a prayer
 I stuck out my glove, the ball landed in there
 No one could believe it on either team
 They hooped and hollered and stomped and screamed
 And total strangers clapped and cheered
 (Aware that God had performed a miracle here)
 I was carried to the bench, I was handed a beer
 Then the clouds broke apart
 Then the sun reappeared
 No, it didn't, but it felt like it did in my heart
 I wanted to live again
 Oh, by the way we lost that game 17 to 3
 But I considered it a moral victory
 And Janis Ian, wherever you might be
 Take heart, there's hope for you 'cause there's hope for me
 Take me out to the ballgame, take me out to the crowd
 Buy me some peanuts, I'll buy you Crackerjacks
 As long as you count my outs when I come up to bat
 Now it's root, root, root, root, root, root for both teams
 Win or lose, lose or win we're all the same
 Oh, won't you please take me out to the old ball game?
 Come on, please take me out to the old ball game