Screech In

Now there's a solemn old tradition
 For admission or audition
 To transition from a come from away
 To be a Newfoundlander
 The only other way at any rate
 Is pass away and pray to fate
 And wait to reincarnate
 As a Newfoundlander
 Hey, hey, come on inside
 Nothing ventured, nothing tried
 Only a couple of people cried
 You'll be a Newfoundlander
 Hey, hey, sit down right here
 You'll feel better in a year
 Try to ignore your doubts and fears
 And you'll be a Newfoundlander
 Now we needs a couple of volunteers
 Who wants to become a Newfoundlander? (right here!), good man
 Who else, I have no idea why I put up my hand
 And Kevin's like, "Oh my God, are you serious?"
 "Oh my God, you are serious!" "Yes, I'm serious"
 Don't do it if you don't want to, I won't
 Where you from, buddy? Los Angeles
 LA! Who else? Us!
 We want to be Newfoundlanders!
 Alright, where are you folks from? Texas, Texas!
 What part of Texas are you from, buddy?
 No, no, I'm from Texas, he's from England
 Wait, now how does that work?(how does what work?)
 Well, how does your marriage work with you being in England and her in Texas?
 No, we're not married, oh, I'm sorry I just assumed you were married(no)
 Well, would you like to be? Ah well, why not?!
 Diane had had two beers by then, so it was probably the alcohol talking
 I've never had more than one beer at a time before, so it was probably the alcohol talking
 I went and got her two more beers
 Now the first part is the easiest
 We'll soon get to the queasiest
 I'll need you to repeat this mess
 When you become a Newfoundlander
 'Cause we speaks a different language
 Son, we adds some messes and some rum
 You'll have to try a good Cod tongue
 When you become a Newfoundlander
 Hey, hey, just do your best
 Nothing scary, nothing yet
 You'll have to change the way you're dressed
 And you'll be a Newfoundlander
 Hey, hey, just sing along
 Nothing ventured just prolong
 There's 30 verses in this song
 Then you'll be a Newfoundlander
 Ladies and gentlemen
 This is screech! Back in World War II
 An officer was stationed here and was offered some of this stuff
 All the locals were tossing it back with nar' a quiver
 So he does too and lets out an ear-piercing
 Everybody comes to see what's happening and says
 "What was that ungodly screech?!"
 And now it's your turn, are you ready?
 Good! All together now
 One!(one)
 Two! (two!)
 Three!(three!)
 Down the hatch!
 Screech is basically bad Jamaican rum
 Screech is horrific
 Screech is delicious!
 And then they brought the Cod
 The Cod, the Cod, the Cod
 Now with every transformation, comes a tiny bit of risk
 You've got to walk the plank and there'll be blood or there'll be bliss
 And it's the same to be a Newfoundlander
 Every person's wish, so don't be dumb
 Just take the plunge
 Go on, kiss the fish!
 Ladies and gentlemen
 This is a genuine freshly caught Newfoundland Cod
 And if you want to become an honorary Newfoundlander
 You'll have to give her a smooch!
 What, no, no, no
 If you kiss that I am never kissing you again!
 I'll risk it!
 I'm not kissing a fish!
 Come on, I will if you will!
 Oh my god, fine
 What are you doing? What I just did
 Now you've got to kiss the Cod, it's a vital part of the ceremony
 I can't do it!
 Alright, look, I'll make you a deal
 Either you kiss this fish or else you kiss this Englishman
 That you're not married to
 Hey, hey, come on tonight
 Take a risk and take a ride
 Jump right in with both feet tied
 And you'll be a Newfoundlander
 Hey, hey, come on once more
 Nothing ventured, nothing sored
 After it's over, out the door
 And you'll be a Newfoundlander
 After it's over you'll remember
 That you're a Newfoundlander