Dilemma

I'm schizophrenic hearing voices in my head
 Been talking with the dead
 So it don't matter what you said
 Some things will never change
 Just put me in the grave
 Since age is Thirteen been a screwed up
 Got a problem with my life, make a new cut
 My mother screaming as I try jumping out the whip
 My brother crying, cause the older brother loosin it
 Throw me to the mental hospital, Saint Luis
 Force fed, pills stare that was almost my youth
 At the young age I always picked on, beat up
 Kicked in the face always stepped on
 People always laughing at the reject
 Became the funny guy and gain you respect
 At Eighteen alcohol became my best friend
 And in no time I was back in the ward again
 Twenty three and I still feel like giving up
 Malcom really sorry that we didn't get the talk enough
 I was too hard headed till that day came
 You may be gone, but your memory will still remain
 My whole life I just wanted to die
 Been tryin to kill myself since the age nine
 Why is happiness is so hard to find
 And how can suicide ever crossed my mind?
 Time after time I wanna cock the nine
 Blow my brains out, and leave my troubles behind
 I'm blind to the fact that everybody hates me
 Even my own mother thinks that I'm crazy
 But ain't no fucking pill gonna save me
 I bring back whats left of my sanity
 I see your envy has made you an enemy
 With the devil face, and a heart full of jelousy
 So here I walk down this road
 Cold and alone with no place to call home
 I quess I'm on my own but I did it to myself
 Maybe these pills will start to help