Grandma's Killer Fruitcake

The holidays were upon us,
 And things were going fine
 Til the day I heard the doorbell
 And a chill ran up my spine
 I grabbed the wife and children
 As the postman wheeled it in
 A yearly Christmas nightmare,
 Has just come back again
 It was harder than the head of Uncle Bucky,
 Heavy as a sermon of Preacher Lucky,
 One's enough to get the whole state of
 Kentucky a great big belly ache
 It was denser than a trove of barnyard turkeys,
 Tougher than a truckload of all beef jerky,
 Drier than a drought in Albuquerque,
 Grandma's killer fruitcake
 Now, I had to swallow some marginal fare
 At our famiy feast
 I even downed Aunt Possum Pie
 Just to keep the family peace
 I winced at Wilma's Gizzard Mousse
 But said it tasted fine
 But, that lethal weapon Grandma baked
 Is where I drawn the line
 It was harder than the head of Uncle Bucky,
 Heavy as a sermon of Preacher Lucky,
 One's enough to get the whole state of
 Kentucky a great big belly ache
 It was denser than a trove of barnyard turkeys,
 Tougher than a truckload of all beef jerky,
 Drier than a drought in Albuquerque,
 Grandma's killer fruitcake