it's getting bad again

I think I understood it was getting bad again
 When I started to do everything sitting down
 And I think I understood it was getting bad again
 When a smile became more difficult to produce than a frown
 When the room didn't light up whenever I was around
 And when the tears came silently, not creating any sound
 And I think I knew it was getting bad again when my own internal clock stopped ticking
 When the itching for joy became my new favorite pastime
 When a laugh with my friends cost much more than a dime
 It was more like an act that I put on with a grinning mouth that isn't even mine
 And I think I knew things were getting bad again
 When my bed went from being a resting place to being a tomb
 When I couldn't look any of my friends in the face
 And when I started to assume that I wasn't wanted or needed
 When my head felt haunted and I pleaded
 And I think I knew it was getting bad again
 When my pen felt too heavy to pick up and write
 When the same damn haunted dreams played in my head throughout the entire night
 So I rip out my hair in hopes that I'll be able to see clearly
 In hopes that those I love dearly will notice
 Do the empty patches on my head express it to you?
 Or should I keep silent and internalize what I'm going through?
 Or should I continue to release my empty screams into nothingness
 With tears flooding down my face?
 Tell me
 If I'm so important to you
 Then why am I so easily replaced?
 ♪
 I think I knew it was getting bad again when the fog came back
 The crows flew away, and the darkness started to attack
 When a simple conversation became exhausting, and I avoided all human contact
 And when I began to wonder if I'll ever get my permanent smile back