Lord Hereford's Knob

As I camped out one evening to take the midnight air
 I heard a maiden grieving from somewhere over there
 Who is it you are mourning
 For whom do you wear grey
 She said I pine for no one, I just can't pay my way
 Ever since the chattering classes invaded Hebden Bridge
 And priced the likes of me and mine
 To the pots of the Pennine Ridge
 To South East Wales I was forced to flee
 And now I have no job
 That's why tonight I'm sitting on top of Lord Hereford's Knob
 For you I'd waive expenses, to try and help you out
 For your beauty influences the landscape hereabouts
 Look up my betrothed at Three Cocks
 Be sure she'll see you right
 While I go up to Yorkshire, and there avenge your plight
 Soon reports were filtering through to me
 The pair were drowning in bliss
 I can't recall having ever been cuckolded quite like this
 I gave up hope ironically for Lent
 Come see me living in a bivvie
 If you're ever up Pen-y-Ghent
 Although upon reflection I've been a trifle green
 I still think with affection on everything that's been
 So prepare that fatted calf
 And string up the bunting gay
 Your brisk and bonny ploughboy is coming home today
 And tonight he'll be sitting on top of Lord Hereford's Knob
 Tonight he'll be sitting on top of Lord Hereford's Knob
 On touching the trig point, I found my thrill
 To the east Brokeback Mountain, to the west, Benny Hill
 I'll give you the grid ref, you might like to go
 SO224350
 Could this be heaven, would that be the Severn
 Twmpa, Twmpa, you're gonna need a jumper
 It gets a bit chilly on top of Lord Hereford's Knob
 Tonight he'll be sitting on top of Lord Hereford's Knob
 All of our songs sound the same
 Tonight he'll be sitting on top of Lord Hereford's Knob
 I'm keeping Two Chevrons Apart
 Tonight he'll be sitting on top of Lord Hereford's Knob
 You're the reason why paradise lost
 Tonight he'll be sitting on top of Lord Hereford's Knob